A Look Back at 2020

I don't think I can be terribly original in describing 2020. No doubt others have written far more eloquently than I have about this Annus Horibilis, so I will leave it to them. But I will at least write of my own experience. Partly for posterity for my poor descendents (if they ever have the morbid curiosity to read this thing) ... but also because this has become a tradition of this blog ever since starting it.

So here goes - my review of 2020.

Obviously, the year has been dominated by the Coronavirus. When lockdown was announced in March it felt so surreal, like a movie. Of course, movies about global disasters might be fun to watch – but it's not so fun when you're actually in one.

Keeping the boys occupied during lockdown was easy in some respects - they spent most of their time on screens, much to my regret. The novelty of doing remote learning wore off pretty quick and it was a constant struggle to manage, but eventually we relaxed things a bit. There was no point fighting those battles. Sure, they missed about six months of their education but I don't think they'll suffer greatly because of it. I'm just disappointed that they are so dependent on their screen time.

What struck me about the lockdown was that I actually quite enjoyed it, to some extent. As an introvert with a virtual masters degree in being socially awkward, the idea of not having to go out and actually interact with fellow human beings felt like a huge relief. It was a bit like taking a holiday from everyday social interactions, which was very welcome. Of course, these feelings were somewhat hampered by the ascension of everyone's favourite online meeting tool. Yes, you guessed it - Zoom.

Whilst I appreciated Zoom for all of its wondrous technical capability of bringing people together from far flung places, when using it for any kind of social purpose it became truly excruciating. You miss a lot of the behavioural clues I guess, and when you're not particularly confident in the first place it just amplifies your anxiety. I do hope, however, to continue using Zoom (other platforms are available, of course) for meeting purposes long after the pandemic has subsided, mainly because it negates the need to faff around with all that travel/parking/finding the place rigmarole. Plus I've found it helps the meetings to go quicker, because there's less of the usual tedious pre- and post-amble that tends to happen – and I also think it keeps the talkers in check a bit better.

I really am a barrel of laughs me.

Work went pretty much dead at the start of lockdown, thanks to loads of events I was booked to work on being cancelled, but soon the work picked up a bit (most of which I could do from home) and I also ended up taking on the role of producer for our weekly church service videos which kept me occupied. This is still on-going – we're not sure when we'll actually be meeting up in the church building again like we used to. Probably not until well into 2021.

Having started fostering in November, we had already gotten into the swing of things by the time the new year came around. When lockdown hit we had a bit of a wobble admittedly, but our foster child was fairly oblivious to it all thankfully. The process of moving them on for adoption took longer than it would have, thanks to Covid, but eventually they transitioned to their adoptive parents almost a year since coming to live with us. It was a bittersweet moment - saying goodbye to someone who had become embedded in our lives for a year, but knowing that a loving couple were going to look after them forever and give them a really good start in life. One upside was that it was nice to have a bit of a break from looking after a little person (who was good as gold but still quite demanding).

Once that was over, Wifey went in for an operation on her thyroid gland. It all went smoothly and, after a couple of weeks recourperating, she's well on the way to full strength. I'm struck how the timing of all of this couldn't have been better. Wifey was in real need of the op, but had she gone to hospital while we were still fostering it would have been a real strain. Yes, we would have coped - but the good timing made things so much easier to deal with. Also, interestingly, because of Covid I think she actually had a better standard of care than if she had gone for the op pre-lockdown. This is because basically there had to be less people in the wards and so the ratio of staff to patients was much better. I'm not saying the health system has been magically improved by Covid – far from it – but thankfully our experience was a positive one.

We've had some struggles with the eldest – he's in full swing teenage mode, but we're just holding onto the fact that someday he'll come out the other end. Covid has helped in some ways and been a huge hindrance in others, but at least he's an introvert like me so hasn't totally suffered from a lack of social interaction.

Holidays in 2020 were pretty limited. In the post-lockdown summer we took a trip to Oxford to see Wifey's dad, which was actually quite a fun time, which involved a fair amount of outdoorsy type activities. Then in December we embarked on a trip to Bluestone in Pembrokeshire. We knew it was going to be a bit different because Covid had meant a lot of the activities were limited or cancelled. Even so, we'd been looking forward to getting away and having a break post-fostering. However, what started out as a fun and relaxing time was cut short when the news about new lockdown measures to deal with Covid were announced (mainly because of a mutant strain that was doing the rounds). We got notification from the resort management that they were closing and we had to be out by lunchtime the following day. So, we'd only been there two nights when we should have been there for five. It was gutting, but the good thing was that we'd all had a really good time - even our eldest, who had been quite negative in the run-up to going. We'd been to the pool and had lots of fun there, enjoyed take away pizza and gone for a walk in the woods. It was also a good way of introducing the boys to what Bluestone had to offer and hopefully means they will want to go again another time (when all of the facilities are up and running). So, a bit disappointing, but at least we got to get away for a bit - and we'll get a refund, so maybe we'll be able to go again next year.

One big change to the household (as well as having a foster child live with us) has been our new cat. Bryn is his name and he's a rescue cat that we acquired in the summer. Apparently, he was found wandering some hill somewhere (which is where he got his name, Welsh for Hill) and was about a year old – although the rescue centre didn't know for sure. He took a while to settle in and get used to us and now he's very much a part of the family. We've decided to keep him indoors for the time being, just because we're not sure our neighbourhood is the safest place for pets. There's plenty of busy roads and other cats roaming around so we're not sure he'll fare too well. It's nice to have a cuddly creature in the house, but he does have a tendency to claw the carpet (when we have a perfectly good scratch post!) and wakes us up several times in the night – either to just sit on our bed or play with an imaginary mouse. Even after saying goodbye to our foster child, our sleep patterns still leave a lot to be desired. Still, he's become a firm favourite with the boys – our very own therapeutic pet – so that's good.

Looking at my only other post of 2020 (way back in January when everything was just a normal level of sh*ttiness) I was looking forward to the year ahead with wide-eyed optimism about learning Welsh, progressing with a new YouTube channel, finishing my first feature-film script and getting fit and healthy. Wellllll .... things didn't quite go according to plan, but that's not entirely my fault.

The good news is that I finally got into the swing of things in terms of good health and diet. Soon after lockdown I got roped into the Joe Wicks obsession, and number one son persuaded me to start running again. It was a bit of a shock to the system but I managed to keep it going. It was, however, slightly soul-destroying to be doing Joe Wicks five days a week and going for a run three evenings a week only to find that I hadn't lost any weight. Turns out, I have to eat better as well. Doh!

I had gotten into the mentality that, because I was exercising, I was allowed to eat any crap I liked. Sadly, for my particular kind of metabolism, that just isn't the case. Once I worked out my BMI and discovered that technically I was obese, I decided to double down and try and lose some weight. This involved being more careful with what I ate (along with the regular exercise), and I managed to drop about 9kg which I'm quite pleased about. Saying that, I've put most of it back on over the Christmas period because basically I decided to pause the good eating plan until the new year. The main thing is that I know I can lose weight and how I can do it – so that will be my plan for '21.

What about the other stuff I'd planned to do? Well, learning Welsh didn't happen because going to classes was not an option for the whole of 2020, thanks to Covid. Maybe when things ease off in 2021 I'll be able to sign up for one. I guess there's the option of online learning but, given my comments earlier about Zoom, it's not something that I'd want to do if I can help it. But I do want to learn as soon as I am able.

I actually have started a YouTube channel, although it doesn't have any live videos yet and I only set it up in December. It's going to be about Universal Basic Income, and I don't expect it to become some kind of online sensation – just an outlet for my desire to shout about UBI whenever I can. What's been interesting about 2020 is that UBI has become part of the ongoing discussion about how to cope with the pandemic. What began as a fringe policy idea at the start of the year has become pretty much mainstream, advocated by most opposition parties across the world. We have yet to see any countries adopt it wholeheartedly, but as the economic effects of Covid continue to cause hardship and suffering, it seems to me like the only solution that will actually make a difference. Time will tell.

And what about my feature film script? Well, I did actually complete the first draft during lockdown. Being the first draft, though, means I have to go through it with a fine tooth-comb and sort out the wrinkles and mistakes. That may take a while. My ambitions for making a low-budget feature film have been hampered somewhat by the pandemic. Given the current state of affairs, it's a logistical nightmare to film anything complicated which conform to social distancing and hygiene requirements - I am not rushing into trying to do anything for now. Once things settle down I will, but for the time being I am exploring the possibility of doing something that is more realistic. Namely, something audio drama based. Watch this space.

Talking about films, I only went to the cinema three times during the whole of 2020. Before the lockdown, I saw David Copperfield at the Everyman Boutique cinema for my birthday (which was fun). During the pandemic I saw Tenet and Mank – both very good films and both very different. It's not like I go to the cinema all the time, but I was certainly very aware of the impact the pandemic has had on the filmmaking business. There is a lot of talk about the industry adapting to the new paradigm and everything going online. This is a shame because going to the cinema is such an 'event', especially when you don't go that often. It would be sad if all the cinemas shut. I'm sure many will, but I can't imagine cinema trips becoming a thing of the past – unless we continue to have a virus disrupting our lives and stopping us from meeting in large groups.

So that's my roundup of 2020. I am reluctant to even speculate about 2021. We still have Brexit to contend with, as well as the Trump/Biden handover. And of course, Covid – and the effects of the pandemic – are here to stay for a good while yet.

If any of us manage to get through the next twelve months alive I will call that a win.

A look ahead to 2020

This time last year, I wrote about big changes for 2019. I wasn't wrong, but looking at what I read I don't think I quite did as much as what I'd hoped to do.

I'm not one for New Year resolutions, but I do think this time of year is as good as any to take stock of things and look ahead. Now that the big family stuff of 2019 is out of the way, hopefully I can focus on the smaller, personal things.

One thing I'm not good at, and need to work on, is reviewing my goals on a regular basis. I need to try and do this at the start of each month in order to (hopefully) remind me I need to work on them. Without doing this, I am prone to shove my goals in a drawer and forget them until twelve months later.

Here are my goals for 2020:
- Finish my feature script
- Start learning Welsh
- Finish at least two of my creative projects
- Improve my fitness and healthy eating
- Improve my mental health well-being
- Increase my income from work
- Set up a Basic Income podcast
- Set up a Christian Filmmaking podcast

It sounds quite a lot, so I'll be interested to see if I manage to get any of these done. But, hey, if you don't at least try you'll never get anywhere.

That being said, I think it's important not to be too inward looking. I have another goal which I need to keep at the forefront of my mind:

- Be loving, kind and generous to others at every opportunity

Pretty obvious you might say, but in this day and age it's easy to think about ourselves all the time, rather than others.

Here's to a positive, fruitful (and kind) 2020.

A review of 2019

So, I guess it's about time I dusted off this blog and did a review of the year.

I've really fallen foul of life and failed miserably at keeping this blog updated. Shame really, because I often enjoy reading back some of the stuff I've written. It's also a good way of capturing my random thoughts and moments of my life before my addled brain forgets them.

Now things have settled down (see what I've written under 'Family') maybe I will be able to get back on the blog horse again, so to speak.

2019 eh? Well, that was interesting.

Family
First off, family life has been more hectic than usual because of two major factors: house renovations and fostering.

For some time now, we've been thinking about fostering, and about a year ago decided to start the process. It involved lots of meetings and paperwork plus the odd bit of training, but it was relatively straightforward and painless.

We decided to extend the house in order for us to have an extra room that would allow us to foster. But before we did that, we upgraded our kitchen. The kitchen we inherited when we moved in ten years ago was in dire need of an upgrade. Cupboard doors were falling off and shelves were collapsing on a regular basis. We were never really in the position to borrow the money for it until we realised we'd need a mortgage to extend the house so figured we'd ask for enough to do both. We also thought that we might as well do a whole load of work in one go and get it over and done with.

Whilst this was great in theory – yay! a new kitchen and extension! – the practical was far from enjoyable. We had four weeks without a functioning kitchen and then two months without any attic space. We spent several weeks beforehand clearing out / moving junk in order to accommodate the building work which on one hand was useful (we had so much crap - it was liberating to get rid of it all!) but on the other hand exhausting and time consuming.

We also spent a long time after the work cleaning, tidying away, sorting even more stuff and painting. Even though we got a painter in to do the hallway and landings, we couldn't stretch to doing all of the upper rooms (walls and ceilings) - so did that ourselves. Again, an exhausting experience.

Finally, by the end of September, we had a new kitchen, an extra bedroom and a decent-sized office for me. We were ready to foster.

That was when we had six weeks of waiting. During that time I was doing what I could to put my office in order as I hadn't quite cleared / sorted everything by then. At the time of writing, I still haven't sorted out my office, but it is functional as both an office and a guest room (with the necessary sofa bed). I expect it will be another six months before I have everything the way I want it to be.

In mid-November, we finally got the call to foster our first child. It has taken some adjusting, and made us realise how much freedom we use to have as a family with two relatively independent kids, but it's been totally worth it so far.

Faith
My faith continued on something of a downward spiral again this year. It's not because of anything that has happened particularly, it's just I don't seem to 'feel' anything about what I believe any more. There's a sort of emptiness there. My intellect accepts the reality of God and who he is – I have no doubt of His existence, that He created the universe and that Jesus was sent to earth to save all of mankind. I have no problem with that at all and the truth is I can't begin to imagine what it would be like not believe in anything. The atheistic perspective holds no attraction for me whatsoever – if anything, it is more depressing and bleak than anything I feel right now.

I try and read my bible on a regular basis and I pray whenever I can, I just don't seem to care any more (although that sounds harsher than it really is. Of course I care, but it seems to take a lot more effort these days). Sometimes, I feel a spark of life deep down. I was almost driven to tears singing 'O Come O Come Emmanuel' on Christmas morning at church – so something is there.

Maybe it's a symptom is being middle-aged. Seems like a decent explanation, although there are plenty of others my age or older who seem fairly content and strong in their faith, so what's wrong with me?

Travel
We were lucky enough to have two trips to France this year: one for a mass family gathering (mum's 70th) and another for Wifey's brother's wedding. They were only two weeks apart in the late spring so it felt very extravagant to be heading to Bordeaux on two separate occasions within the same year.

For the family holiday, we revisited the mansion house in France that we stayed in two years before. It wasn't quite the same as the first time we went (you can never repeat the experience again), but it was still nice to hang out with family and celebrate Mum's birthday. At least that was special. We couldn't completely escape one or two family tensions, but it was bearable. One of the highlights was taking part in an escape room that had been set up underneath the mansion. It was a bit weird (as in, having a tourist attraction underneath our holiday home) but good fun.

Our wedding holiday was a different affair, mainly because of the stress of a formal occasion (with lots of beautiful people everywhere) plus more family tensions popping up just to keep us on our toes. Thankfully the weather was beautiful and the setting couldn't be more French. We did have a good time, but it was something that we were beginning to get accustomed to and so it was a big shock to come back to reality when we returned home.

Aside from our French adventures, we also visited London in the early spring to see my brother and partner in their new home (while visiting the Tate Modern), and went up North in the summer to see Annabel's stepdad.

Movies
I have stopped doing my monthly reviews, mainly because I had just run out of energy doing them. It was becoming something of a chore to make sure I watched a film a week and I felt like I was doing it out of necessity rather than because I wanted to actually watch anything.

Saying that, I'm still watching films when I can – but nowhere near as many as I used to.

I didn't get to see many films at the cinema this year, so it's hard to do a top ten. I'm ashamed to admit it, but most of the stuff I saw on the big screen were Marvel films (erk!). I saw Avengers: Endgame and Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker twice. So much for being a film buff!

TV
My TV watching has been sporadic and disconnected as usual. Wifey and I are still churning through Homeland and have given up on The Handmaid's Tale (too depressing). We managed to power through 'Killing Eve', which just goes to show that if a series has a definite end point it's something we're more inclined to stick with. This series was made great largely thanks to the terrific two leads. The same goes for Kimmy Schmidt, which we finished watching this year. I think the shine wore off towards the end, so it was good to stop before things deteriorated too much.

I did get to see series one of The Boys on Amazon, which was an excellent – if extreme – take on the tired superhero genre. Stranger Things series three on Netflix was, I felt, okay-ish. I think they should have just stopped after doing two but I can understand why they carried on. The storyline veered towards the ridiculous and I'm worried things will get even more absurd for the next one. We're still working through Friends, reliving our 90s/00s past – although rumour has it Netflix won't be showing it for much longer.

Other honourable mentions: The Good Place, Final Space, Good Omens, Atypical.

Books
I spent most of the year reading the first four books of the Earthsea saga by Ursula K Le Guin. An impressive equal to Lord of the Rings or the Narnia series, the world-building is impressively subtle and believable while the characters are grounded and enigmatic. As I say every year, I want to read more books but just don't have the time or inclination as it's a lot easier to watch TV or YouTube. Maybe when the world eventually falls apart and there's no electricity I'll get to read more – heh!

Work
Work has been more pronounced in terms of feast and famine than it's ever been, I think, which is kinda weird. For the first quarter of the year I was inundated with work, and even surpassed my overdraft substantially (which has never happened before) thanks to the income brought in. This heady moment was, of course, brief as I then plunged back into my borrowing again to keep things afloat. Summertime was typically quiet and then it picked up a little until I headed into December which was surprisingly busy. Despite all of this, I am back into my overdraft again – but with our new fostering situation helping to ease things on the finances, this new year might see things go differently.

In terms of work travel I was in North Wales in February to do a few days filming and then later in the summer I went to the Lake District to film a wedding which was a bit random. Finally, in November I did my first filming gig in London for a conference, which was tiring but interesting.

Health
I have managed to stay relatively healthy this year, although my exercise regime has fizzled out to nothing. I'd started going for early morning walks, which was kid of refreshing, but I didn't feel like it made a huge difference. I've also become less intentional in terms of eating healthy food. It seems like there's always some big occasion just around the corner so it's hard to say no to treats and suchlike. I'm not convinced restricting my food intake has made a huge difference to my waistline so I'm less inclined to go without (eating nice food is about one of the last pleasures I have left!) – but saying that, I know that I need to reduce my weight a bit just so I'm investing in my future self when I'm a lot older and more prone to illness.

World Events
Well, 2019 has been a right bathtub of offal, that's for sure. We have the ongoing crap coming from America and its deranged leader, despite a supreme effort by many to put the brakes on Brexit it's finally gonna happen next month – and still nothing is being done by those in power to avert the climate catastrophe that is steadily unfolding before our very eyes (the nation of Australia is literally burning as I write this, people!).

After the General Election in December, I decided to shut myself off from the news and any political discussion for a while because I'd had a gutful. I can't understand why the majority (albeit a slim one) seem to think it's OK that 1 in 5 people are living in poverty in this country, or why it's OK to plunge headfirst into an economically suicidal withdrawal from Europe. All I can hope for is that once people see the crap that's happening as a result that they finally come to their senses and act accordingly.

This year I have been more and more convinced of the need to break up the Union and have been a firm supporter of Welsh independence. Whilst it's something that will be a long way off, I think it's something that may well be possible within the next decade or so. Here's hoping.

Other stuff
I have continued to be part of our church Life Group that is learning British Sign Language, which has been an enjoyable experience. The only challenge is that I don't get to use it much outside of our weekly meetings. I try and sign on Sundays but I'm not confident enough to stand up the front and I usually have other duties to worry about, such as looking after a fidgety toddler. I have been exposed to BSL thanks to the occasional bit of filming work, though, so it's useful for that. Hopefully I will get to use it more, but we'll see.

I may put off my BSL learning for a while, though, because I am thinking about learning Welsh. It's something that I've been wanting to do for ages, especially since becoming more nationalist in my outlook. I'm under no illusions that it's going to be difficult, though, although I think there will be more opportunities to practice it than BSL. Plus, it could prove useful for my occupation if Wales as I could end up getting more work.

In 2018 I made a decision to do something bold and ambitious - to write and direct a full-length feature film. This was borne out of my frustrations with trying (and failing) to get short films made. While it may seem a bit daft to make a feature if I've not had much luck making shorts, I feel like taking on a big project has more chance of attracting attention (and funding). I may be wrong. I think I may make a 30-minute film first, just as a bit of a stepping stone to making something that's much longer. It's a big endeavour, and I'm fully aware of that. But, I'm getting to the age where I haven't got the time to do things in small steps. I've got to go for it, really, and that's what I hope to do over the next couple of years.

If there's anything positive about 2019, it's that Basic Income has finally become mainstream, and I guess I've played a teeny tiny part in that. I set up a Basic Income Twitter account for Cardiff back in May 2018, and have been trying to keep it going ever since. It hasn't exploded with growth, but has a reasonable following and I get the odd engagement. What's been really exciting though is US Democratic candidate Andrew Yang basing his entire campaign around Basic Income (what he calls a Freedom Dividend) – the first time anyone has used UBI as part of a presidential bid. He's up against it, in terms of getting elected, but I'm convinced that if anyone can beat Donald Trump, it's Yang. You can find out more here: https://www.yang2020.com

As well as the Twitter account, I've been planning to organise a small event in Cardiff to raise the profile of UBI. It was something I'd hoped to do in 2019 but never got round to it (mainly because of all the preparations for fostering). Hopefully I can this year. How it's going to pan out, I have no idea but I just want to try and keep getting the idea out there as much as possible. I figure the more people hear about it, the more likely it will eventually filter through to the politicians who will eventually take it up.

I have to admit, I really think UBI is the only thing that will make any kind of difference to all the crap in this world. It's something that will empower people to sort politics out, fix the environment and end poverty for good. That and lots of prayer, of course.

Happy New Year.