Saying that, I'm not an obsessive fanboy and I actually do have a life. One can only get worked up about these things for so long before realising that there are more important things in life to worry about, and that Lucas can ultimately do whatever the hell he wants.
Still, it was with slight reluctance that I entered Cineworld to watch Episode 1 in 3D. I agreed to go because it was a staff outing and I was slightly curious to see how it would turn out.
I actually came away feeling less angry at George than I thought I would. Sure, there are more holes in the story than a slice of Emmental. There's no obvious protagonist to root for (or care about) and some of the plot devices are ridiculous (if you think about them long enough), but as long as you don't engage your brain too much you can just enjoy the spectacle.
Pros:
Jar-Jar seems to get less annoying with age, which is weird.
'Duel of the Fates' is a mean soundtrack to a nifty light sabre duel.
Natalie Portman.
CGI Yoda does actually look better than the original puppet from Episode 1.
Cons:
After thirteen years, I still don't understand the Queen Amidala / Padme decoy thing. I just don't get it. Really – and I have a degree. Two, actually.
The entire storyline.
3D is totally unnecessary and a distraction from the whole thing.
In conclusion, I don't feel I wasted two hours of my life, maybe because I can't quite shake off my affection for anything Star Wars related (although I draw the line at the Star Wars Holiday Special).
I do, however, resent paying £9.80 for the privilege of watching it in 3D. It didn't blow my mind, it just blasted a hole in my wallet.
So, George, you managed to get hold of my cash again – please use it wisely and promise that you'll never direct anything ever again. Go ahead and make the Star Wars TV show if you can, but all I ask is that you let someone else take charge.
You know it makes sense.
Verdict: 3.5 out of 10
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